Ontario Jokes

This page is broken to two sections:

• Top 10 Reasons to be from Ontario
• You know you're from Ontario when...

Top 10 Reasons to be from Ontario

Have a new/better reason to be from this province? Send it in at the bottom of this page.

1. Your provincial capital calls in the army to help clean up after a snow storm.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You, and you, alone decide who will win the federal election
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
5. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
6. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
7.  
8.  
9.  
10.  

Runner ups

• You live in the center of the universe
• There's no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist
• Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
• Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
• Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein

You know you're from Ontario when...

Have a new/better hint if someone is from this province? Send it in at the bottom of this page.

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Barrie/area for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
7. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Canadian Tire store at any given time.
8. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
10. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.

Runner ups

• You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
• You use a down comforter in the summer.
• You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
• You have enough French vocabulary to get by some of the day in Ottawa without them thinking that you're a completly incapable American.

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